Dark Diary entry: June 24th, 2015
I woke up to the sound of my alarm desperate for at least another few hours of sleep.
Unfortunately, like always, that wasn’t going to happen.
I stumbled out of bed miserable and exhausted. The only thought that could possibly excite my mind was thinking of the point in the day where I could return to my bed.
I couldn’t understand how someone could be so tired after such deep rest. Every morning it felt as though the charger for my biological battery hadn’t been plugged in overnight.
Hitting the snooze button multiple times had limited my time to get ready for work.
I quickly assembled a lunch for the day and unwillingly left for work.
The smell of the fresh air on the way to my car was almost enough to make me smile. For now I would have to hold on to that feeling.
Dark Diary Workday
There may have been a brief hour or two in the morning where my energy had picked up, however if there was, by noon I was once again too tired to remember it.
Around this time everyday I begin to desperately need and desire a coffee. There is but one problem…coffee does more to increase my anxiety than it does my energy.
Everyday I am met with the dilemma of choosing to spend the rest of my day either anxious or exhausted.
Today I decided to pass on the coffee. When 3 P.M rolls around I am desperately regretting my decision.
My work day is still two hours long and my body and brain require a 2 hour nap.
Severe brain fog and crippling fatigue make my job with power tools and machinery highly uncomfortable. However, like usual, deadlines are set and I’ve got to feed myself.
Somehow, to my surprise, I push through those two agonizing and foggy hours and manage to make it home.
Life After Work
Unfortunately my day did not get any better upon returning home from my job.
I have two missed messages from friends asking to hangout but, like usual, I tell them I am too tired.
At this point I am curious why anyone still wants to hangout with me. Hardly ever do I say yes and when I do my personality is almost entirely stolen by my fatigue.
I am a shell of the human I once was.
The thought of returning to my job and going through the same pleasantries all over again tomorrow provides a nice black cloud over my head.
As I lay on the couch watching Netflix, I am overwhelmed by self pity and depression. I feel broken.
When I look in the mirror I can see my once heavily muscled body now withering away. The energy to maintain it is non existent. What was once a passion is now only a pipe dream.
For a moment I start to tear up. Is this what the rest of my life looks like?
I eat some leftovers from the night before, take a hot shower and return to bed.
Hopefully I’ll feel a bit better tomorrow…
For those of you who may be experiencing the same problem, please know that it does get better.
Hopefully you realized the date at the beginning of this dark diary entry. Fatigue and anxiety controlled my life for many years.
Thankfully the right tools were presented to me and with time and effort I have dramatically recovered.
These e-books have changed my health from the ground up and helped me reclaim my life.
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